Beauty From Pain
Monday, January 25, 2010
Stronger
I realize that it has been awhile since I have updated my readers. There have been some choices and decisions made that were not the greatest. The struggles are proving to be quite difficult, but as I sit here today I am glad that even though I didn't realize I had anyone there God was. He may not have been as close as he should have been, but he is back. This time FOR GOOD!! This journey has not been and continues to not be so easy. I have had some major breakthroughs recently though and I amvery excited to see where God is leading me and what he has in store for me.
A couple months ago a relative of mine introduced me to a ministry called "Fresh Start." This ministry is about forgiveness and forgiving those who have hurt you. Since I have been going to this class I have come to understand that the person I really need to forgive is myself. How can you forgive someone else if you can't forgive yourself?? Because to me as a person in my mind I have failed at many things. I feel within myself that I have failed as a daughter, as a sister, as a mother, as a friend, as a job seeker, as a God seeker, almost anything and everything. Right now I am striving to resolve these issues, and it's not as easy as it might look.
The other night at prayer I ran out of words to say so I started reading the book of Proverbs, and I stumbled across this verse and I don't believe it was by accident that at that specific moment I read these words: " The wise woman builds her house; but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1. At that point I started crying and prayed that I would no longer be the foolish woman, and for God to grant me wisdom. Because of MY OWN doing my world has totally and completely fallen apart. I know now that God is the only one who can mend and fix the mess I have made. I have learned through the years and struggles that when we decide to take over and run our own lives, we tend to make a HUGE mess of everything. But if you surrender God piece by piece slowly puts the puzzle back together, and brings you back to the place you're supposed to be.
I believe I have finally reached that place. My life these last 2 months has been amazing, and I feel I have changed completely. I am continuing to learn that I may not understand what he is doing and why. But I have faith and complete trust that he knows what he is doing. I given him total control to do with me and my life anything no matter what the cost. Also these last few weeks I have seen, felt, and heard too much to go back to where I was. I have promised God and myself that I will never leave and go back to that horrible place so far away from him.
This quote from the book "Surrender" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. " I am your protection and your provision; if you have ME; you have all you NEED. So...TRUST ME" is such a powerful and thrilling statement. So I leave you with these thoughts:
1) Do You Have God??
2) Do You Trust Him?
3) Have you completely surrendered and given to him Total control of EVERY aspect of your life?
1 Comments:
Kylie Johnston said...
this is really good Kayla! I'm glad to hear your getting back on track and letting GOD take control! :) ...after all ...hes all you need! :)